“But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.”
To offer a little context here, I moved back to Sterling in August. It’s only been about 2 months… but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t partially regretting the decision already. The thing is, though, I know with almost complete certainty that I’m supposed to be here.
Something you may, or may not, know about me is that I really don’t like confrontation. I try to avoid it at all cost. For one thing, it’s awkward. Another, it usually places some sort of inconvenience on someone else, and I would prefer not to be a burden. Even if I have to sacrifice my feelings or desires. In this case, however, I felt a pretty strong conviction that I needed to quit my awesome job, move out of my really cool downtown apartment, and leave a city that I had grown to love.
This made me feel very uncomfortable, because it meant that I would have to drop this bombshell on my boss. See, at the time, I was part of a two-man marketing team, and a few weeks prior to this conviction, my coworker had announced she was dropping down to part time. Not the best timing to announce my resignation. But God’s timing is hardly ever “good” timing, amirite?
I know I should have listened to God right away, but with my phobia to confront situations, I decided the best course of action was to try to avoid it (surprise, surprise) by taking a week or two to weigh the pros and cons – ultimately hoping that God would recognize this as me making an effort to “confront” my conviction and make it go away. Even as I type this, I can hear God chuckling. Well, long story short, the feeling didn’t go away, in fact, it only intensified, and after a few weeks of getting absolutely nowhere, I decided to just give it up to God. If Sterling was really where He wanted me, I told Him that He was going to have to open some serious doors to make it happen.
The funny thing about giving God a proposition, He usually follows through. Especially when we give it all up to Him.
So here I am. Back in Sterling, Kansas – the hometown I swore up and down I would never move back to. Now, I realize this isn’t much of an “adventure” as I promised this entire blog to be about, but the transition following this decision has definitely been a journey, so I say that counts (my blog, my rules!). And honestly, sometimes it just feels good to get things off your chest.
A few weeks after moving home, it became very evident why God wanted me home. My family needed me. Not just me, I suppose, but we needed each other. And all of my worries that came with the decision to follow God’s direction – what would I do for work? where would I live? who am I going to hang out with? – dissipated. God not only revealed the why, He completely took care of the details.
Every time I look back after a having made a big life decision I always have to laugh at myself for ever doubting God’s provision. It never fails, He always comes through, you guys. Always.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still have my worries, though. I no longer doubt that God’s going to provide for me, but I do worry about what he’s going to provide. Since moving home, I’ve started my own business (something that I never anticipated…), broken ties with someone very special to me (something else that I never anticipated…), and for the first time in my life, I honestly have no long-term vision for my life. Definitely something that I never anticipated! I’m the planning type – I always have to have something to be working towards. Or at least have an idea of what’s coming next.
I can’t tell for sure, but I think I’m in the thick of a revelation of some kind. It’s been a rough transition, but the more I focus and lean on God, I’ve switched perspective. I can either sit here and feel sorry for myself, for the way I have seemingly failed during my late 20’s by moving back home, or I can lean in and trust that God is revealing something bigger. I mean, at least I didn’t move back in with my parents. That’s gotta count for something, right?!
The reason I shared that verse in the beginning is simply this: I have everything I need to be successful in God’s eyes right now. I’ve learned that these past couple of months of wallowing in my own self-pity. While I may feel like I’ve been stripped of everything I had going for me in Kansas City, I still have the ability to DO something. I know what God is asking of me, we all do. It’s in His Word. I just need to make sure that I’m not simply hearing it, but putting His commands into action.
I’ve recently started reading a book by Bob Goff called, Love Does. Side note: if you have not read it, walk away from your computer, put down your phone, and go buy it right now! Actually, here I’ll make it easy for you…just click here to purchase it on Amazon (it’s only 10 bucks!).
If I’m being really honest, I think my biggest worry about living in Sterling again is the possibility that I’ll become irrelevant. Not that I was some hot shot in Kansas City, but at least I was working somewhere that was making a difference. I felt like I was a part of something bigger than myself. In his book, Goff reminds us that there is something secretly incredible about an ordinary life. One of my favorite passages in this book is this:
If you want to know the answer to the bigger question – what’s God’s plan for the whole world? – buckle up: it’s us.
We’re God’s plan, and we always have been. We aren’t just supposed to be observers, listeners, or have a bunch of opinions. We’re not here to let everyone know what we agree and don’t agree with, because, frankly, who cares? Tell me about the God you love; tell me about what He has inspired uniquely in you; tell me about what you’re going to do about it, and a plan for your life will be pretty easy to figure out from there. I guess what I’m saying is that most of us don’t get an audible plan for our lives. It’s way better than that. We get to be God’s plan for the whole world by pointing people toward Him.
If there’s been a silver lining during this transition, it’s this: I’ve realized I don’t have to win some award for an ad campaign I was a part of. I also don’t need to be married with 3 kids (Which is the standard I feel society has told us we need to meet by 30 in order to feel like we’ve accomplished anything). And I certainly don’t need to rely on a job title to define my identity or measure my success. Armed with my testimony, experience, and eagerness to DO, I still get to be part of God’s plan right here in Sterling, Kansas. And you know what the best part is?
So do you. Wherever you are.
You just have to say, “yes.”